I find myself looking out the window a lot and wondering..

What’s next?

What’s in store for me?

I feel like a cup that’s half full

I stare at the ceiling while listening to murder mystery podcasts

Shedding random tears over things out of my control

How did I let things slip away?

Why didn’t I pay more attention?

How could I be so selfish?

I pride myself on being a good listener, but do I really listen?

The world is changing and so am I

I’m standing at a precipice

Should I jump?

Back away?

Continue to look over the edge wondering?

I’m learning to be okay with myself

I’m a work in progress

--

--

Things feel so foreign

Going to bed alone and waking up the same

I miss you so much

Your eyes looks so large in the morning

Your voice raspy

I miss your hugs and how you’d say “Good morning”

We’d spent the last 4 years living with each other

Now we meet sometimes

Today was the first day I didn’t see you

We barely talked

It’s for the best, right?

We’re getting ourselves together

I miss knowing where you were going and when

I miss seeing you almost constantly

I want you to flourish even if it’s without me

I wasn’t the best partner

I should have been better

--

--

Being alone scares me shitless

Maybe it’s what I need?

Questions

Questions

No answers

Waking up to silence with 1/2 of the bed cold during winter is not what I’d envisioned

Neither was finding solace in stray cats in different cities

I love that

It’s funny how they know cat people

I wonder if there’s a smell we give off?

Like a cat loving pheromone?

Wait

I was talking about being alone

I long for the time I love myself enough

When my tears don’t splash across the keys of my work laptop

When I make plans with myself and look forward to them

But right now

I’ll just cry until I reach that point

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**I do not own the rights to this image**

I love zoom meetings and virtual classrooms!

How often does one hear that?

That was a bit odd and needs repeating

I love zoom meetings and virtual classrooms!

I’m interacting with hundreds of people, but we can’t see each other

Our setups vary greatly —

I imagine some are outside on a deck, enjoying mimosas, barefoot

Some are at the local cafe or library

Some are sitting on the toilet

— but we are all engaged in the same activity

Cogs in a ceaseless machine

I’m literally baking apples right now

Their cinnamony, salty aroma waft into my nose making my mouth water

I also happen to be pantless

There’s something about being pantless; at times commando, while discussing work with co-workers that makes me smile mischievously and is the biggest fuck you to the man.

--

--

Y’all Mad, Huh?

I ain’t gone lie.

I’m eyeing white people hella suspiciously.

I can’t distinguish between ally or white supremacist.

It’s stressful.

My head is spinning just thinking about it

Who knew an election could have you fearing for your life more than usual?

Oh, you’re mad that things…

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Musings of A Queer Girl

Musings of A Queer Girl

I write sins & short stories Mother of Cats Self sabotage is my greatest vice